I’m Out Of Control… And It’s So Freeing

If you have ever had even one conversation with me since I turned 15, you would know that I absolutely detest driving. It stresses me out; especially during winter. The icy road conditions give me major anxiety attacks. I hate being behind the wheel and being responsible for the lives of people in my car. I hate it.

Don’t get me wrong, I love road trips! I love traveling in the passenger seat, getting to pick what plays on the radio. Although, after my wreck in February, some drivers freak me out and I don’t like riding with them. There are two people, however, that I feel extremely safe riding with them. I love riding with one of these people especially, because I’m with him so often. With him I have the freedom to go places (usually to get food), but I’m not in control!

Here’s a thought then… I hate being in the driver’s seat in a car because it stresses me out. So why on earth do I feel the need to be in the driver’s seat of my life? It’s the same concept, right? Control stresses me out. I spend too much time looking in the rear view mirror or checking my blind spots and totally miss what’s in front of me (That may or may not be how I crashed my car…).

Over the summer I did it. I let go of the wheel. While on a mission trip induced spiritual high I got out of the driver’s seat and gave God the wheel. I stopped stressing about what I was going to do after graduation and everything was great. But like all highs, you get off and hit a low.

And boy did I hit hard! Life was thrown at me and I didn’t exactly like the way God was handling it, so I grabbed the steering wheel and started driving again.

Cue the re-entrance of stress and depression! Yay! Fun times…(not really). I started spiraling out of control and crashed my theoretical spiritual car. I reached the point where I didn’t care and I went through the motions every day with an end goal of sleeping to forget the messiness of life.

As I started talking to different friends about what was going on, I realized I wasn’t the only one who was falling into dark depression. My friends and I came to the realization that Satan is attacking us. God is about to do something big, and the enemy wants us all down and out of the picture.

In one of the lowest points I think I have ever reached, I gave God control again. I’m tired of fighting the attacks of the enemy, but I want to be a part of whatever He is planning. Since I have given God control, He is now fighting for me. And it is one of the most freeing things I have ever experienced.

Even though giving God control again meant quitting one of my jobs, letting go of some people that have not been adding anything to my life, and looking like a weirdo by telling people at school about His love for them, it’s been so worth it. Yes, the enemy is still attacking me, but God’s in control of my fight now, and He wins! He wins, the enemy loses, and I’m free!

So now I can relax in the passenger seat and enjoy the view and fully experience the ride.


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